FAILURE OF THEIR FATHERS

As much of a cinemaphile as I am, I feel forever cursed by the ability to attract the worst movie crowds no matter what the time of day or feature I’m seeing. In this case, on this day, things went beyond the pale into some new and fucked up territory of antisocial behavior I’ve never experienced before.

I was at a 4pm showing of Flags of Our Fathers downtown on 42nd, which surprisingly is a full-price show. The theatre was sparsely filled, it was a small screen, it seemed like a perfect day to retreat to the movies.

Shortly after previews a group of around eight or so teenage boys burst into the theatre, obviously dropping into the film on a sneak in. Their excitement, their hubris, these are signifiers for this sort of thing, I should know, I did it myself at that age. But I never did what they did. I never took it this far.

At first they were to sit right in front of me about half-way up, then acting as one as these groups do, they moved as a unit to the second row down in front, the entire time making noise and generally making it clear they are not quite there to see the film. They are there to let everyone know they’re there. It’s physical graffiti. Clown time.

There’s the obligatory if not ineffective schusshing from a few, and an older, grandmotherly voice asks “you boys” to quiet down, but they mock her and everyone else and I hear the word cracker. Someone gets up. I’m hoping they’re going to say something to management. Nothing happens. Luckily the movie is loud enough to drown them out and they’re even quiet some of the time.

At almost the very end of the film, they all get up as one and make a big scene, loudly saying the film sucks and so do we, and then just when you think they’re gone two rolls of heavy plastic garbage bags, streaming like toilet paper, come flying from behind the exit wall near the stairs and hit the far wall, one right near me. Everyone looks back in my direction — and this is the weird part, cos if one of those would have hit someone in the head they would have been concussed for sure — I’m not even phased. I feel nothing, except pleased they’re gone, and maybe a bit sad they have to act this way, and how they should have been paying more attention to the film, since they’re exactly the kind of fuck-ups the military is looking for.