SAUNA

Man One: So I go to the table and I can see the guy’s wine glass is empty and I ask him “would you like another bottle of wine?” and the guy looks at his glass and says to me “It’s empty isn’t it?”… motherfucking—

Man Two: That motherfucker… Like if you went ahead and just opened another bottle the fucking asshole probably would have said “ What are you doing? I didn’t order another bottle—

Man One: Exactly.

Man Two: It’s the season, the people. I don’t know what it is, I can’t fucking handle the crowds. I’m like on the street and there’s people everywhere and you can’t escape. It’s almost time for isolation.

Man One: Just rent some movies and stay at home.

Man Two: That’s what I think I’m going to do.

Man One: Isn’t that Blockbuster still over there on 68th?

Man Two: Yeah but I go to Tower—is Tower still open or is it closed now?

Man One: It’s still open.

Man Two: Good, I’m just going to go there.

Pause

Man One: And what about that fucking sweater crowd? Those fuckers just stand on the corners waiting for the lights to change, and you know they’re not from New York because New Yorkers don’t fucking bother to wait for a fucking light to change they just jaywalk. But when the lights do change you have to fucking watch out cos they start coming at you like a fucking herd.

Man Two: What they need is Prozac on every corner. I’d hit like every corner on the way home. But I can’t escape it. Because my girl wants to go shopping.

Man One: That’s easy, you just tell her “you go shopping and I’ll meet you at five or six and we’ll go have dinner.”

Man Two: I can’t do that. I don’t know what it is, they lure you in and it’s like you don’t have any choice.

Man One: Those women can fucking shop and shop. They can do that shit for hours.

Pause

Man One: I’ve had enough, I’ll see you later.

Man One leaves and another man steps into the sauna.

Man Two: (to man who just stepped in) you don’t happen to have a razor I can borrow so I can slit my wrists do ya?